Consulting Journal: Trifles

Trifles: CSI

by David Blakey

Part of the script of the pilot for a new television series about management consultants, which was rejected by all the networks.

[Friday 1 April 2005]

[Scene: Manufacturing company stock room. MIKE and ANDY are standing in an aisle between metal shelving that goes out of the top of frame. The shelves are filled with cardboard boxes and various sizes of storage bins. MIKE is holding a metal part that consists of two straight sections of pipe joined by an angle. MIKE is wearing a dark blue suit. He has a small rectanguler lapel badge with CSI embossed in gold. ANDY is younger and wears a brown storeman's jacket.]
MIKE:	So this part is made up of three smaller parts?
ANDY:	Yes, the angle joins the two straight pipes together.
MIKE:	So how do I tag it?
ANDY:	Well, you can't really. It doesn't have a number.
MIKE:	The angle and two straight pieces have numbers?
ANDY:	Yes.
MIKE:	But when they're joined together they don't have a number?
ANDY:	No.
MIKE:	So what if there's a stock-take?
ANDY:	We just put them down as semi-finished components.
MIKE:	And other parts are counted as semi-finished components?
ANDY:	Yes. Anything that is made up of parts but isn't a full component yet. That one still needs a nut on both ends before it becomes a JS437.
MIKE:	You don't sell the individual parts of this, but only the complete JS437?
ANDY:	Right. The JS437 is the spare we sell for the J5 and J6 ranges. We wouldn't sell it like that, without the nuts on the ends. Nobody would have any use for it.
MIKE:	[pursing his lips] Not any use you'd know of. [holding up the part] So I wouldn't expect to find this on the streets?
ANDY:	Not without the nuts.
MIKE:	[smiling slightly] It'd be nuts without the nuts.
[Fade.]
[Scene: A meeting room at CSI. Gold letters across the rear wall spell out Consulting Services Internationl. Below the lettering is a screen. The table holds equipment that the investigators need to run an investigation: an overhead projector; a laptop computer; two coffee mugs, dark blue with CSI in gold; a half-filled cafetiere; a box containing various different tea-bags; glass bowls of white sugar, brown sugar and packets of sweetener; a small glass jug containing milk; three identical large glass jugs of water, orange juice and iced tea/apple juice; a cluster of small drinking-glasses and another of larger ones; a plate of muffins; a plate of biscuits or cookies; a glass jar of jelly-beans; a glass jar of white mints; a glass jar of green mints; several pads of sticky yellow notes; small note-pads with spiral top binding; yellow lined note-pads; three identical tubs with CSI lettering, holding pencils, white-board markers and permanent markers; two remote control units. MIKE and JANE are standing at opposite ends of the table. The laptop is on the table in front of JANE. MIKE is still wearing the dark blue suit. JANE is younger and wears a black suit and a white shirt.]
MIKE:	No prints from that component?
JANE:	No. [She hits a key on the laptop and an image of the angle joint appears on the screen.] Anyone who handled it was wearing gloves.
MIKE:	So no industrial health and safety issues?
JANE:	No, all their people must have worn safety gloves.
MIKE:	And our people at the scene wore gloves. So no one touched this between the time it was assembled and the time it hit the street?
JANE:	Yes. But did you know this? [She hits a key on the laptop and an outline map of streets appears on the screen. There is a large red area and a large green area.] The angle is put together in the component factory. [She points to the red building.] It is shipped across town for the nuts to be added in the spares factory. [She points to the green building.]
MIKE:	And how are they shipped across?
JANE:	One of their trucks. A box of the angles was the last thing loaded onto one of them that morning.
[Cut to animation of several boxes sliding onto a truck. The last box slides on right at the back. The animation cranes towards the box and up, showing that the box is almost overflowing with angle components.]
[Cut back to meeting room.]
MIKE:	So when this hit the street? [holds up the component]
JANE:	It fell off the back of the truck. [There is a slight pause.]
MIKE:	OK. Work up a full presentation on risk analysis techniques. I'll write a white paper on a recommended procedure for incident reporting.
JANE:	[nods.]
MIKE:	[smiles a very small smile.]
[Cut to credit for executive producer.]

[ List articles on Trifles ] [ View printable version ]