Consulting Journal: Conferences - Chairing conferences: humour

Conferences: Chairing conferences: humour

by David Blakey

I promised that I would give you some samples of jokes that consultants can use in public presentations.

[Monday 19 May 2003]

The eagle and the rabbit

An eagle was sitting on a ledge high up a cliff when a rabbit came along below and saw him.
‘Hey, eagle,’ said the rabbit, ‘what are you doing?’
‘Absolutely nothing,’ said the eagle. ‘Just sitting here.’
‘That sounds great,’ said the rabbit. ‘Could I do it too?’
‘I don't see why not,’ said the eagle.
So the rabbit just sat down and did absolutely nothing. A fox came along and ate him.

Moral

If you want to just sit and do absolutely nothing all day, you must be sitting very high up.

The manager and the consultant

A manager was walking along a river one day. He had walked for a long way but he had not found a bridge over the river nor anywhere where the river was narrow enough to jump over or shallow enough to wade across.
Then he saw a management consultant whom he knew, strolling towards him on the other side of the river.
‘Hello,’ said the manager.
‘Hello,’ said the consultant.
‘How do I get to the other side?’ asked the manager.
‘You're on the other side,’ replied the consultant.

Things that consultants recommended

Do you realize that there are consultants out there who recommended the following?

ATMs at drive-in banks should have Braille on the keys.
Hot dog sausages should be sold in packets of 10 and hot dog buns in packets of 6.
Lemon juice should contain artificial flavoring, and washing-up liquid should contain real lemons.

The dead consultant

[This has religious content, so you should think carefully before using it.]

A consultant died and found himself at the gates of Heaven. An angel stood there with a large book.
‘Excuse me,’ said the consultant, ‘but I don't think that I should be here.’
‘Why not?’ said the angel.
‘Well, I'm only 42,’ said the consultant.
‘Let me check,’ said the angel and consulted his book. Then he looked up at the consultant and said, ‘Well, according to the time you've billed to your clients, you're at least 107.’

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